Gayity
Mr. Les B. Frank
Mr Les B. Frank
Your Guidance Counselor for Life
Dear Mr. Frank,
I’ve had two dates with this really great woman. As far as I can tell, she only has a couple drawbacks and one is a pretty big problem for me. She has a pierced tongue and the sound of it clicking against her teeth and the feel of it, when she kisses me, totally turns me off.
She says that she loves her pierced tongue and that it does have its benefits for me, because it feels great against certain areas, if you know what I mean. We haven’t had all-out sex, yet, so I’m going on what I think of it without that.
I feel like if she keeps the hunk of metal in her tongue, then, I don’t want to keep her.
Signed,
Annoyed,
Williamstown, MA
Dear Annoyed,
Seems to me that you haven’t given her pierced tongue a chance. I’m not saying that enhanced cunnilingus can change the world, but it may change your mind.
I’m also a little taken aback by your reference to her as something you would “keep,“ based on her following your ultimatum. It makes it seem as though you think of her as a possession.
Granted, pierced parts and pierced people are not for everyone. But if you eliminate whomever and whatever annoys you, right away, I suspect you won’t be left with much in your life. Look for the good qualities in people, not just the things that push your cranky bitch button.
*****
Hey, Mr. Frank!
My best friend and I do everything together and that includes having sex. We started doing it when we were in middle school and we haven’t stopped.
This year me and him are going to the same local college but he is going to transfer to a school that’s way out of state for next fall. He says I should come with him or we could try a long distance thing. We’ve been inseparable for like half our lives. We both have slept with other guys (and a couple girls) to see what it was like but it’s the best with me and him. Us having sex is like being one person. It’s the ultimate rush of love and horniness all at the same time.
Would a long distance thing work? Should I go with him?
Signed,
B.T.W.,
East Arlington, VT
Dear B.T.W.,
Tough call. If he goes and you stay, your paths may bring you back together or you may discover that your time with him was just your first great love and your preparation for the many wonderful people you’ll come across (no pun intended) in the future.
I know a few couples who have made long-distance relationships work but they were apart for only four or five months before one relocated to be with the other, full-time. I don’t get the sense that your educational pursuits are especially important to you and it seems like you could be happy in a variety of situations and positions, so to speak. So, you may be able to make the transition to living with your boyfriend, while he goes to college and you get a job.
There will be a lot of new pressures and distractions for you both to deal with, whichever scenario you end up following. Sit down with him and talk about what you both want from life and be honest about where you each fit into the other’s plan.
Mr. Les B. Frank offers guidance counseling to people of all ages. He's also chief ball polisher for a men's bowling league. Some letters are edited for length, spelling or grammar. Send your questions and requests for guidance to HeyMrFrank@aol.com