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Missing Out
Missing Out
by
Sally Sheklow
Sometimes
I poke fun at straight people. I apologize. Forgive me for heckling folks
who can't help being the way they are. Unlike Republicans, fundamentalists,
and SUV drivers – who are free to choose a different persuasion
if they want to – heterosexuals are pretty much stuck being heterosexual.
They're born that way. Despite
abounding opportunities to leave their lifestyle, most hets never turn
gay. Not for very long anyway. Obviously, it's not a choice.
Straight people say they've
known they were heterosexual since they were kids. Where they get the
idea is anybody's guess. Maybe instead of a Midge doll, their Barbie had
a Ken.
Psychiatrists say heterosexuals
can become fine, well-adjusted adults who contribute to society, if they
learn to accept themselves. Many develop a healthy sense of humor about
their sexual orientation. The rest, well, what can you do but feel sorry
for them?
It's too bad there's no special recognition
for straight people. When they discover they're straight, who cares? There's
no coming out, nobody to confide in, no one to make a big deal of it.
No Het Pride parade.
Boy-girl oriented kids
lose out on so much. Pity the poor children who are never allowed sleepovers
with their closest friend just because that child is a different sex.
Kids are separated by gender in gym class, Brownies, Cub Scouts. Sure,
boys and girls can play some sports together, but that all changes when
they grow up. They'll never play on the same pro basketball team.
Dating outside their gender
must be hell. How awful to worry about birth control every time they have
sex. There's so much straight couples can't share together, not the least
of which is using the same restroom. Where do het couples go for a private
chat in a public place?
If they want to work out or go for
a swim, they're relegated to different locker rooms. If they go clothes
shopping with their sweetie, they can't share a dressing room. That's
lonely.
Even during their together
time, can they really know each other's personal woes? How isolating to
never fully understand what your partner's going through with menstrual
cramps or jock itch, menopause or male-pattern baldness.
Plus straight couples
face all those family expectations. Like getting married. Sure they can
live together like any gay couple, but the marriage option is always hanging
over them like the sword of Damocles.
Even the ones who willingly choose
to wed don't have it easy. They're strapped with the ordeal of trudging
off to the courthouse and shelling out good money for a license. It must
be creepy to have the state all up in your personal business like that.
Same-sex couples can't understand the burden except in Massachusetts,
Canada, and a few Western European countries.
Think of the suffering inside
straight relationships. One person is expected to fix stuff and earn more
money and the other is expected to cook and clean and nurture. The teasing
can be merciless on the ones who deviate (aka girliemen and ball-busters).
And during holidays, how they must agonize over both families vying for
their company. Queer people shouldn't gloat over having neither family
want us to visit. There's no call for arrogance.
Sooner or later, hetero couples are
expected to reproduce. How embarrassing is that? Most of them never get
to peruse sperm-donor catalogs and select the traits they want for their
baby – they take their chances. If they do have kids, only one partner
is expected to be the primary parent. If they're both nurturing and equally
involved, people look at them funny. That’s gotta be tough.
I'm doing my best
to be more understanding, more tolerant of heterosexuals. I'm sorry if
I've offended. Hets deserve acceptance the same as anyone else. After
all, straightness is one of nature's myriad variations. Besides, you never
know when someone in your family might turn out that way.
'
Writer Sally Sheklow wallows in queer privilege in Eugene, Oregon.
Kudos and kvetches welcome at sally@wymprov.com